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Writer's pictureMargo Petersen

The Value of Confidence

Updated: Jan 11, 2021

Getting up to debate in front of a crowded conference room can be incredibly intimidating. You may feel as if you are being judged, and find yourself worrying about misspeaking or not getting your point across clearly. For women, this nervousness can lead to various speech patterns that are typically perceived as hesitant or weak, as if you are seeking validation for your points. This includes uptalk, or a rising intonation at the end of a sentence that makes it sound like a question, as well as conditional phrases like “if that makes sense.” The audience will often subconsciously perceive a speaker who does these things as less knowledgeable, as they seem to be asking for a second opinion. When judges or other delegates feel, even subconsciously, that you are unsure of your points and are looking for their confirmation, they are more likely to disregard your arguments.


So why do we do this, if it makes us so easy to ignore? One reason is that we may not feel sure of ourselves, making us genuinely seek that validation. We want to be respected, but we’re not sure we will be. Another reason could be that women are conditioned to soften our points to make our arguments more palatable. Powerful women are regularly criticized for being too “pushy,” “bossy,” or “aggressive” (and those are the nicer examples). When we constantly hear these words used to diminish strong women, we begin to internalize a need to soften ourselves to avoid those criticisms. It isn’t only a matter of wanting to avoid insult, though. These patterns also serve as a mechanism to prevent ourselves from being seen as difficult to work with.


If this is starting to seem contradictory, that’s because it is. When women are confident and clear in our arguments, we are written off as difficult. When we soften our points, we are disregarded due to being seen as uninformed or weak. So what’s the solution? This is where confidence comes in. Nervousness and shyness will exacerbate any patterns of speech that may appear, and that is when those patterns become problematic. If you are confident in your arguments and your knowledge, however, that confidence will emerge in your speech and you will be less likely to unintentionally weaken your argument. When you speak with confidence, the occasional use of uptalk or conditional phrases becomes essentially unnoticeable. There is also one bright spot: young people are less likely to perceive uptalk negatively. This means that in the setting of Model UN conferences, you can use some degree of this without needing to worry about other delegates’ negative perceptions of you.

Confidence in your own abilities as a delegate will make your speeches far more powerful. When other delegates can tell that you know what you’re talking about, you can have a much greater impact.


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